The Journal
by Nikkix1421
Summary: A Rypay written through journal entries. Updated to a Two-shot. Rated M for language and sexual situations. Reviews are welcome!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: There are italicized conversations with in the story, obviously they are not writting the conversation in their journals, I just thought it would be better with something in there besides just them writing. I don't know how well this story works. Let me know if I should re-write where it's not through journal entries. **

**Um.. I see people say they don't own what ever they are writting about, I don't know if it is nessecary, but I will say it too. I do not own HSM. :)**

Day 1 12-25-07 3:47 PM

Today is Christmas. We just got finished unwrapping our gifts. Ryan got me the most beautiful bracelet ever. I gave him a watch and also a journal that looks just like this one. I thought it would be a good idea to write each day for a full year. That way next year we can look back and re-read each day and see how much we have changed. I think we would learn a lot about ourselves after we re-read them. I don't know if he will. I hope he does though. I said to start January 1st, but I felt the need to start today. Write more soon.

Sharpay.

* * *

December 26, 2007 1:01 AM

Well, today was Christmas.. Shar gave me this journal and told me I should write in it everyday once the New Year starts. I think it's a little weird but I guess I can do it for her. She also gave me this awesome watch. I really like it. She said she liked her bracelet I got her. She even put it on right there and gave me a big hug. It was nice to have some affection shown from her. Well it's getting late. I'm going to bed.

-Ryan

* * *

Day 2 12-29-07 7:53 PM

It's Saturday and there is only one more week of winter vacation. I heard there was this party tonight. If anything good happens I will write more.

Sharpay.

December 29, 2007 11:15 PM

I can't believe I'm writing again before I even have to. I have just been thinking a lot lately about everything. It has been hard for me to fall asleep all of the sudden. I just wish I knew why. I tried laying down awhile ago but all I did was toss and turn. I kind of wish I went to the party with everyone. Shar tried to get me to go, but since I don't drink a lot, I doubt I would have had any fun. I wish I could figure out what is wrong with me. I'm going to try to get some sleep.

-Ryan

Day 2 (cont.) 2:33 AM

I just got home from the party. It was so much fun. I met a guy named Justin. We talked for the longest time. He seems really nice, but he tried to get me to do things that I wasn't comfortable with. It's too soon to just jump into sex. He said he understood that I couldn't yet. I didn't tell him I was a virgin though. After the party he drove me home and kissed me before I came inside. Justin is a really good kisser. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so scared to go all the way with someone. I guess I just want it to be special for my first time.

I have to go. I almost got caught still being up. I'm not sure who just came into my room but I had to pretend to be asleep. Write more soon.

Sharpay.

* * *

December 30, 2007 2:51 AM

I finally got some sleep, but only to be woken up suddenly with only one thought on my mind… Sharpay. I went silently down the hall to her bedroom and tapped really lightly on her door. There was no answer so I opened it very slowly so it wouldn't creak. I saw her sleeping in her bed. Thank god she got home okay. I usually drive her home from parties because she drinks so much. I'll have to ask her tomorrow how she got home. It's really late; I should probably get back to bed.

-Ryan

* * *

Day 3 12-31-07 6:02 PM

There is supposed to be a HUGE party tonight. I asked Ry if he wanted to go tonight and he said YES! I'm excited for him. He needs to get out more and meet some new people. All he ever does is just sit around. LAME!! I know. I'm going to get ready. Justin will be there tonight. I'm really happy I get to see him again. W.M.S.

Sharpay.

* * *

January 1, 2008 4:04 AM

So I finally got out of the house. I went to a party tonight. It sucked at first, but after a few hours it was fun. I saw Sharpay prance around towards all the guys. They all wanted her, but all knew they couldn't have her. I saw some guy grab her by the arm and lead her upstairs. I hate seeing that. I'm supposed to be her brother, the one to protect her. But there I was, sitting in the corner, doing nothing. I guess she is a big girl. She can protect herself. Oh before I forget. I met a girl there. Her name is Alex. She is from another school. She seemed nice, also very flirty, but in a sweet way. She leaned in to give me a hug when she was leaving, but before pulling away she nibbled on my neck. It was gentle and I liked it. Just then Shar pulled me aside and said she was ready to go. I could smell the alcohol on her breath. I told Alex bye again and she gave me her number. I don't know if I will call her or not, but if there are more kisses on my neck like the one before, then I might consider it.

When Shar and I got home, I had to make sure she made it to her room okay. She was pretty drunk. You could see it in her eyes. After she got to her room I told her good night and proceeded to my bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror only to realize I had a hickey on my neck. I didn't think Alex bit that rough on my neck. But sitting there staring at it, I started to think of how good it felt when she kissed my neck, and I kind of got aroused. I took my shower and tried to lay down for bed. It's going to be another one of those nights where I can't sleep. There is one fool proof way though. I will just have to masturbate. Hopefully it works. Good night.

-Ryan

Day 4 1-1-08 5:39 AM

OH MY GOD! I can't believe myself. What have I done? Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. So I will start from the beginning. Ry and I got to the party and I immediately start drinking. Justin finally showed up after what seemed like forever. He grabbed me and took me upstairs to a bedroom. He laid me down on the bed and started to kiss on my neck. I liked it, but I felt distracted. He moved over to my lips and we kissed for a second before his hand slowly moved down my stomach and then moved over my... well ya know what I mean. He kept moving his hand down farther until before I knew it, he was up my skirt. It felt really good and he said I was really wet. I told him that we couldn't have sex yet. I kind of spilled that I am still a virgin. He didn't seem to mind. After I told him he slipped a finger inside me. I started to moan kind of loud, so I made him stop. It really did feel good though. After I made him stop we went back downstairs and I saw Ryan hanging all over Alex Thompson. What was he thinking?! She is a major slut. The last party she was all over 2 guys at once. Today it was said that she had a 3some with them! God Ryan is dumb. I went into the kitchen so I wouldn't have to watch them together. I drank some more and hung out with a few people then went back into the living room after awhile. I looked around the room and saw Ryan and Alex again. Then I saw Alex getting closer to Ryan, I knew I had to stop him. She was kissing his neck by the time I got to them. So I pulled him away and told him I was ready to leave. When we got into the car I looked over at him and saw a hickey that whore left him. I wondered if he knew he had that. I laughed a little but then I started thinking. I know I am a virgin, but what about Ryan? How far has he gone with a girl? I felt myself get that wet feeling again and decided that I shouldn't think of Ryan being sexual with anyone. When we got home he helped me to my room. I laid down to go to bed, but I kept thinking of everything and couldn't fall asleep. I decided to take a shower. When I got undressed, I touched myself and I was still wet. Man that was so weird. I didn't take a shower; instead I got dressed and thought I would go talk to Ryan. Wow was that a BAD IDEA. I tiptoed down to his room and put my ear up to the door. I heard some strange noises coming from in there. I tapped on the door but the noises kept going. I slowly opened the door and whispered for him. He pulled the covers over him so fast and yelled at me to get out. I ran back to my room and slammed my door. I had just caught Ryan masturbating. Fuck this. I need to cool off.

January 1, 2008 (continued) 7:37 AM

I can't believe Shar walked in on me. I am so embarrassed. I tried to go talk to her and apologize for getting angry but she was in the shower when I got to her room. I was so close to getting off. It sucked, but I can't stay mad at her. She didn't know. Besides my door was unlocked. I'll try talking to her when she wakes up. Today our parents are going out of town. Shar will be drinking a lot over the next few days since no one will be around to stop her. I have tried but she wont listen to me. I think I am going to get some breakfast. More to come.

-Ryan

Day 4 (cont.) 9:05 AM

I had to wake up early to see my parents off today. It's another business trip, but that's okay. I'm used to them being gone. At breakfast this morning I could feel Ryan looking at me, but I refused to catch his gaze. Things have been awkward since everything that happened last night. Our parents left shortly after 8:30. Once Ryan and I were alone he tried to talk to me. I just got up and walked back to my room. It was too weird. I need time before I can look at him again. W.M.S.

Sharpay.

January 1, 2008 (continued) 12:55 PM

Shar has been in her room for awhile now. I don't think she has left since she went in there this morning. I'm going to go see if I can talk to her. Hopefully she will let me explain myself.

-Ryan

Day 4 (cont.) 6:44 PM

Ryan came in earlier to talk to me about last night. I told him he didn't have to explain anything to me, but he insisted. I broke him off by telling him to shut up and to come drink with me. I figured he would say no, but surprisingly he said okay. I thought drinking would loosen him up so he would stop freaking out. It did. He was a completely different person. Fun even. Although, he did spill beer on me. I told him I was just coming up to take a shower. I better get going so he's not drinking alone. W.m.s.

Sharpay.

January 1, 2008 (continued) 7:36 PM

Shar got me drunk tonight. It was a lot of fun. I think maybe I will start going to parties more so I can do it more often. I did accidentally spilt beer on her though… She didn't act like she was that mad about it. She said she was going to take a shower to get the smell off of her, but that was almost an hour ago. I'm going to go check on her.

-Ryan

January 1, 2008 (continued) 8:37 PM

Wow. I don't even know what to say at this point. I have been sitting here in my room replaying everything that has just happened. I went to go check on Sharpay, but when I got to her door, I heard something that I wasn't quite sure what it was. I knocked on the door and called out to her but there was no answer. I opened the door, and was shocked to see her, lying on her back with her legs bent so her feet were rested on the bed. Her legs were spread. She was using her left hand with a vibrator sliding it in and out, while she used her right hand to touch her clit. I tried to turn away so she wouldn't see me, but I heard her moan. I had to look back. She arched her back and threw her head into her pillow and started touching her clit harder. She looked up and caught me watching her. I figured she would be angry, but instead she stared into my eyes and started moving her vibrator faster and faster. All I could do was watch. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't take my eyes off her. She started to moan louder and louder, all the while, never taking her eyes off of me. I could tell she was getting close. I could see the sweat starting to form on her neck. With out even thinking I started to move my hand down to my dick, only to find out it was hard as a rock. I began rubbing it through my pants. She started to moan louder and I touched myself harder. She still had her eyes on me and she was going full speed. All of the sudden she burst out with a scream of pleasure and she closed her legs. Her hand was still in between her legs. She pulled out her toy, and turned it off. Then she stuck it in her mouth to get all of her juices off. I couldn't take it anymore. I turned around and came straight back to my room. It only took me a few seconds to get myself off. It was strange. My sister, my twin, got me horny, and it was her, the reason I got off. I don't know what to think.

-Ryan

Day 4 (cont.) 7:55 PM

I just got off in front of Ryan. I know I should have stopped when I saw him come in my room, but I was so close. It was weird; seeing him got me even hornier and I was able to get off faster just by watching him. I saw him get a hard on and that turned me on even more. Oh god, when he started to touch himself, I couldn't take it anymore. I exploded right then. I know it was wrong to tease him, and I feel bad for what I did. I guess it's not all my fault though. Ryan had the chance to walk away, but he didn't. After I finished I stuck my vibrator in my mouth, in a teasing way, and he just turned around and walked out. I hope he isn't mad at me. I don't know what to say to him. I think I will talk to him in the morning. Now would just be a bad time. W.m.s.

Sharpay.

* * *

January 2, 2008 7:11 AM

Once again, another sleepless night. I guess I had a reason this time. I finally got out of bed and got some breakfast. I tried watching TV, but nothing good was on. I ended up back in my room, bored. I really want to talk to Shar but I don't know if she will talk. I'm sure she will wake up and start drinking. Hopefully I can get to her before she starts. I need to find out what that was all about last night. Fuck it. I'm tired. I'm going to go lay down, and hopefully get some sleep. Shar shouldn't be up for a few more hours anyways.

-Ryan

Day 5 1-2-08 11:01 Am

I have been tossing and turning all morning long. I think I need to talk to Ry. I feel like I should explain about last night.

Sharpay.

January 2, 2008 (continued) 1:20 PM

I am so confused. I was just about to doze off when I hear my bedroom door open. I pretended to be asleep so Shar wouldn't come in, but she still did. I felt her standing right over me. I could hear her breathing. "Ryan" she whispered. But I didn't budge. She sat down on my bed so I had to 'wake up' no matter what. I rolled over and asked her if she was okay. She moved more onto my bed and sat Indian style and said we needed to talk. She wanted to talk about last night. Obviously. I asked her why she didn't stop when I came in, or why she didn't yell at me to leave. Oh Sharpay. She just got this smile that took upon her face. "I liked being watched by you" was her answer. She then decided to lay down next to me and placed her hand on my side and started to rub her hands up and down my side and chest. Her touch was so soft and gentle. I could feel myself growing, but I didn't want her to know. It was so wrong. I told her no and moved her hands away from me. She had hurt in her eyes when I pushed her away. She simply said, "Your right Ryan. I'm sorry." She got off my bed and walked out of my room with her head down to the ground. I felt terrible. I never wanted to hurt her. I hear Shar down in the kitchen, probably getting a drink. I think I will go apologize.

-Ryan

Day 5 (cont.) 11:09 PM

Once I left Ryan's room I went downstairs and grabbed a drink. I was on my way back up when I heard Ry coming down. I didn't look at him when I walked past him. I was too embarrassed. But what happened next was something I will never forget. I think I can remember the convo perfectly. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back to him. He wrapped his strong arms around me and held me tight.

"_Shar, I'm so sorry. Please don't be angry with me."_

"_It's okay Ryan. You don't have to say anything. I made a fool of myself."_

"_No, see that's the thing. You didn't make a fool of yourself. I did."_

"_But, no I--" _I was cut off by Ryan moving his hands down to my waist. He pulled me close to him and started kissing my neck. I tried not to moan but his touch was so gentle. He whispered in my ear, "Have you even been with a guy before?" I tried to pull back, but he kept his hold tight.

"_No, have you been with a girl?"_ I had asked him.

"_Kind of, but not really."_

"_What do you mean?"  
"We had to stop right after I was inside her. She said it hurt."_

"_Y..Y..You hurt someone?"_

"_Not purposely Shar. She said I was too big."_

"_Was that the only time?"_

"_Yeah."_ He said, as he started to kiss my neck more passionately. He started walking towards me and pushed me into the wall. He then took my arms with his left hand and held them against the wall, over my head. I wanted more than ever for him to kiss me on my lips but he wouldn't.

"_Kiss me Ryan."_

He got close to my lips and I felt his breath on my mouth. When I leaned in to kiss him, he pulled back and teased me.

"_Shar, last night you turned me on so much when I saw you."_

"_You're the only reason I got off. Seeing you watch me got me so hot. Ry I couldn't take it much longer. I was confused why you just ran out on me."_

"_I didn't know what else to do. I wanted more than anything to just take you and make you mine."_

"_Take me now Ryan."_

He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He started to carry me up the stairs and I began to kiss on his neck. I could feel him getting harder and I wanted him more than ever. He took me to his room and laid me down on his bed. He crawled on top of me and started to kiss me. I could feel him thrusting as he kissed me.

"_Take me Ryan."_

He put his hands underneath my back and lifted me up. Then he pulled my shirt off and exposed my breasts. I lay back down and Ryan started to caress my chest. Then I felt kisses down my stomach, stopping shortly under my navel. I felt him tugging at my pajama shorts, trying to pull them off. I lifted up so he could pull them down easier. I put my hands on his sides and pulled him back up to me. I slipped my hands underneath his shirt and raised it up. His chest was amazing. I ran my fingers lightly over his pecks and stomach; he got goose bumps. He let out a slight moan of pleasure. I then moved my hand down and rubbed on his member through his pants. It felt so big. He pulled back and said "not yet." I felt a finger slide inside of me, and it felt so much better when Ryan did it, than when Justin did. I closed my eyes and threw my head back into the pillow. I just wanted him to be inside of me. I couldn't take it much longer. I put my hands on his sides and motioned for him to lie on his back. I started to pull his pants down to expose him. I kissed down his chest and stopped when I got to his dick. I grazed my lips across it and he took in a deep breath.

"_I have never before."_

"_It's okay. You don't have to if you don't want to."_

"_What if I'm not any good?"_

"_Don't worry about that. I know you will be good. Just do what feels right for you."_

I licked around the head before I took him all in my mouth. I heard him gasp as I hit the base of his cock with my lips. Slight moans continued as I moved my mouth up and down on him. He took his right hand and placed it on the back of my head. He gently guided me faster, but not in a controlling way. He was so gently with me. He suddenly stopped me and pulled my head up.

"_What's wrong? Was it not good?"_

"_It was great, that's why you had to stop. I'm not ready to finish yet."_

He pulled me up and kissed me and said, "Turn around." I looked at him confused. He whispered "69" in my ear before he started to nibble on my earlobe.

"_I'm scared."_

"_Don't be, it will feel good. I promise."_

I positioned myself on top of his face and leaned over and started to suck on him again. I then felt him start to lick on my… this sounds so dirty... but he started to lick on my pussy. Ryan slid a finger in and started to suck on my clit, flicking it with his tongue. I pushed myself harder on his face. I didn't want him to ever stop. It felt so amazing. I started to play with his balls as I continued sucking him. I felt it start to throb and it felt harder than before. Just then I started to orgasm, and moan even louder than before.

"_Oh god.. Shar.. I'm about to- -"_

Just then he shot his load down my throat. I tried to swallow but I couldn't, not all of it. There was just too much so I spit the rest out. When I got off of him I still wanted more. He was still erect so I positioned myself on top of him and he gave me a nod to go ahead. I took him and placed him at my opening. Ryan grabbed my hips and slowly pushed me down as he thrust upwards. I felt him inside of me and it did hurt a little bit. I guess he could tell that it felt uncomfortable because he asked if I was okay. All I did was shake my head yes. He pushed me down all the way to the base of his cock, and I let out a moan, that came out more as a whimper.

"_Shar, are you sure your okay?"_ I nodded my head yes again.

"_Does it hurt?"_

"_Not really."_

"_If I do hurt you, just tell me. Promise?"_

"_I promise."_

He kept his hands on my waist and assisted me as I moved over his cock. He started to go faster and soon the pain turned to pleasure. Ryan flipped me over so I was on my back. He started thrusting himself even harder and deeper inside of me. I began to moan as I grinded myself on him.

"_Ry, does it feel okay?"_

"_It feels amazing, but can we try something new?"_

"_Sure." _I said trying to catch my breath. He pulled me up and motioned for me to roll over on my hands and knees. He entered me from behind and started pumping even harder than before. It was so hard that he knocked me down from holding myself up. I rested on my left arm and used my right hand to reach underneath me. I started to rub myself as he fucked me. I could feel his balls hitting every time he pumped inside me. I reached back and started to caress them. All of the sudden he went all the way inside of me and held it. He threw his head back and let out a loud moan. I could feel him pulsing inside of me. We stayed that way for a few seconds before he pulled out and we both collapsed on the bed.

"_How was your first time?"_

"_Amazing."_ I said as I kissed his chest.

"_Was it good for you too?"_ I had asked him unsure of myself.

"_It was perfect."_  
After we caught our breath we decided to take a shower… together. We washed each other and shared some very sensual kisses. After our shower we went back to his bedroom and passed out together. I didn't sleep long, so I left shortly afterwards. This is definitely a night I will never forget.

Sharpay.


	2. Chapter 2

January 3, 2008 2:47 AM

I had sex. Not only did I have sex, but I had sex with Sharpay. I woke up after falling asleep next to her, only to find her gone. I hope she isn't regretting what happened between us. I know it was wrong, but I couldn't find it in me to stop what I was doing. It was defiantly the best feeling in the world. I couldn't have picked anyone better to lose my virginity with. I know it can't ever happen again though. It is wrong. Illegal. What is weird about the whole thing, I finally got to sleep well; with her in my arms.

-Ryan.

Day 6 1-3-08 8:33 AM

I can't sleep. I think I will surprise Ryan with some breakfast. I bet he will like that. W.M.S.

Sharpay.

January 3, 2008 (continued) 11:09 AM

Shar woke me up this morning. She came in my room and jumped on my bed, attacking me with kisses. She made me breakfast in bed. I swear sometimes she is too much. She is always there to surprise me in some way or another. I like the new Sharpay. She is treating me nicer. It's a good feeling. I ate my breakfast while she sat there telling me stories about everything. She really opened up to me. I couldn't help but get a smile on my face when she talked. We didn't mention anything about last night. I'm guessing she is okay with everything that has happened. I'm going to take a shower and get dressed for the day.

-Ryan

Day 6 (cont.) 1:57 PM

Well Ryan liked his breakfast I made him. I was scared to go in and wake him up like I did. I jumped on top of him and started to kiss his neck until he woke up. He had a smile on his face when he saw me. I'm glad that he wasn't acting weird about us last night. I don't want to push my luck. I know it's wrong, but I want it again. I hope he feels the same way. I have a plan, I hope he likes it. W.M.S.

Sharpay.

January 3, 2008 (continued) 6:04 PM

Well, something happened. I wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. Sharpay came into my room, wearing nothing but a lacey red thong and a matching bra. She had a see-through silk robe on covering herself, not like it helped. I couldn't help but sit there and watch her. She turned on some music and started to dance. Dancing that no brother should ever see his sister do. She came over to me and started to dance on me. I would be lying if I said I didn't like it. I tried to not watch her, but her body was moving so well to the music. She knew just how to turn me on. I wish she didn't. I grabbed her wrists and threw her on my bed and I got on top of her, straddling her. Her face was flushed and she wore this intoxicating grin. A grin of lust. I could tell she wanted it again. I wanted more than anything to give it to her. I leaned down to kiss her; I couldn't. It was wrong. I let go of her wrists and got off of her. I sat at the end of my bed with my face in my hands.

"_Ry? What's wrong? Did I do something?"_

"_Shar… this isn't right. What happened last night… it was wrong. Very wrong. We shouldn't have done that."  
"I thought you liked it."  
"Don't get me wrong. I liked it. Shit I loved it. Sharpay, what we did was illegal. We took it too far. That was the only time it is going to happen."_

She sat there, looking down at the bed, not saying a word.

"_Please tell me you understand. I don't want to hurt you. I'm so sorry."_

"_Do you regret it? I mean, would you take it back?"_

"_Of course I don't regret it. I wish right now that we weren't brother and sister. I could take you and make you mine. But it just can't happen that way. Please forgive me if I have hurt you. That is the last thing I ever want to do."_

"_I understand. I'm sorry. I must look like a fool; coming in here dressed like this. I thought you wanted it again."_

And that was it. She left after that, not even looking at me. Fuck. I made a mistake. I know we can't date. I know this can't go on forever. But is it so wrong if we do it now? Not every night of course, but maybe every once in awhile? God I am so confused right now. I wish that I didn't tell her no. That was probably the stupidest thing I have done. Ever. I don't even know what to say. This sucks.

-Ryan

Day 6 (cont.) 7:34 PM

He didn't want it again. He told me no. I hate when he tells me no. I feel unwanted. I know he has a good reason though. We did make a mistake. Last night shouldn't have happened. God how stupid was I? Thinking he wanted to again? I can't believe I lost my virginity to him. That was the worst thing I could have done. I need something to get my mind off of this. Something… or someone. I think I will go make myself a drink and call Justin to come over.

January 3, 2008 (continued) 7:57 PM

I went down to watch TV. I heard Shar in the kitchen making her a drink. Then I heard her talking. I went into the kitchen to see what was up. She was on the phone, asking some guy named Justin to come over. She wouldn't even look at me. I called out to her, and all she did was grab her drink and walk right past me. I swear if she is having some guy over to get back at me, I will be so angry with her. She said she understood. She has to understand that we can't be more than just brother and sister. The infamous 'Evans Twins.' That's who we are. It can't be the infamous 'Evans Twins who just occasionally sleep together while their parents are gone.' Well you know what? Two can play that game. I'll just call Alex over. If that's the game she wants to play, then I will play it back just as hard.

-Ryan

Day 6 (cont.) 11:57 PM

Well Justin came over tonight. I was sitting in the living room watching a movie with Ryan, not talking to him of course. He tried but I just ignored him when there was a knock on the door. I jumped up and hurried over to answer it. Ryan asked how I knew it was automatically for me. I just smiled and said "Because I'm having company. Duh Ry, you heard me on the phone."

"Okay." Was all he said. Well when I got to the door and opened it, I was shocked to see none other than the whore Alex Thompson. What was she doing here? Just then Ryan came up behind me and pushed me out of the way. He greeted her with a smile and took her by the hand and led her in. He introduced me to her; I gave her a fake smile and turned around headed back to the living room. He still had her hand when he led her upstairs to his bedroom. There was another knock on the door before I made it back to the living room. I went to the door to let Justin in. Ryan was stopped on the stairs watching me until I had closed the door after letting Justin inside. I gave him a big hug and told him how happy I was to see him again. I made sure it was loud enough to have Ryan hear. I took him upstairs to my bedroom. We immediately started to kiss. I was contemplating having sex with him. My answer was pretty obvious. I didn't want to have sex with him. He wasn't Ryan. Even if I closed my eyes, and imagined Ryan, it still wouldn't be good enough. All of the sudden I heard a repetitive tap on the wall. It was slow at first then the speed picked up, faster and faster. When I realized what it was I grew angry. I began kissing Justin furiously. I couldn't block out the sound. It was like it was taunting me. Then the moans came. I heard her through the walls. "_Oh god Ryan. Don't stop… yeah just like that."_ Even Justin noticed it. He asked what was going on in the next room.

"_I think it would be better to just show you what's going on."_ _I said grinning._ I didn't want to but I knew I had too, to get over Ryan. I crawled on top of him, ripping the clothes off of him. He did the same to me, and soon we were having sex. I wanted to make sure Ryan knew exactly what I was doing. I made sure my moans were loud and that the headboard from my bed hit the wall with each thrust Justin made into me. After we finished I was headed to the bathroom and ran into Ryan in the hallway. He looked angry at me. I smiled back at him.

"_Did you have fun Ryan?"_

"_No. I sure didn't, but it sounds like you did though." He turned away from me and started to walk back to his room._

"_Wait…"_

"_Goodnight Sharpay."_ And with that said he walked into his room and closed the door. I was left standing there more confused than ever. I went back into my bedroom and Justin came up and put his arms around me. I told him I think it's best if he just leaves. He thought it was because 'I just lost my virginity' so I let him think that. I told him I just needed to be alone right now and he said he understood. I walked him out, and when I looked outside there was only one car in our driveway. His. I guess Alex left before him. I thought then would be a good time to talk to Ryan about why he was mad at me. I got to his door and knocked. He didn't answer so I tried to walk in. He had locked the door. Just then I heard him yell from inside his room to go away. I don't understand how he can be mad at me when he did the same thing I did. I just don't get it. I'm going to drink. W.M.S.

Sharpay.

January 3 (continued) 11:34 PM

Tonight was a mistake. Alex came over and I got the reaction I wanted out of Shar. But what happened next totally turned my world upside down. I made a mistake. Once Alex and I were in my room, I started to kiss her. She kissed me back and acted like she wanted to do something more. I laid her down on the bed and got on top of her. I began to kiss her neck. She let out short, sweet sounding moans. I put my hand over her mouth to quiet her. They weren't moans like Sharpay's, so I didn't want to hear them. I started to lift her shirt up, so I could touch her stomach. I lightly moved my hand down her front, stopping only to tug and the top of her shorts.

"_Take me Ryan."_ Was all she had to say before I realized I was making a huge mistake. I lifted myself off of her and sat next to her looking away. Why did she have to say those words? The same words Sharpay said before I had sex with her. She brought me back to a place I never should have been in the first place. All with those three little words. I realized that I couldn't have sex with Alex. She isn't the one I want. She would never be the one I want. She will never compare to Sharpay. No one will.

"_Ryan? What's wrong? I thought you wanted this."_

"_Well… I do… but I can't. Not like this. Not right now."_

"_Can I ask you something?"_

"_Yeah, sure."  
"Are you a virgin?"  
"Umm, well- -"_

"_It's okay if you are. I understand."  
"Yeah, I am. I just didn't know how you would react to that."_

"_Look, Ryan. It's okay if you're not ready. I can wait. Just let me know when you are. Promise?"_

"_Promise. Hey… Alex. Do you think you could do me a favor?"_

"_Of course. Anything."_

"_Well see, Sharpay recently found out I am still a virgin. This was kind of her idea. She found out I like you, and told me I should go for it. I thought I would be ready, but I guess I'm not. Well what I am trying to ask is… can you help me fool her by pretending to have sex with me? I'm just trying to get her off my back on this."_

She started to giggle a little then finally said she would love to help me out.

"_How much are you trying to convince her? Moaning, banging on the wall, loud screams of pleasure?"_ She said with a smile on her face.

"_All of the above please."_ I said grinning back at her.

"_Well then come here."_ She said pulling me on top of her.

"_Pretend that you are fucking me. Your headboard should hit the wall. Start off going kind of slow, and then pick up the pace when I tell you too. I'll throw in some moans when the time is right. Got it?"_

"_Yes ma'am." _I said whispering in her ear. I started to 'pretend' thrusting into her. She was right, even though we weren't having sex; the headboard still hit the wall. I began to kiss her to make it less awkward of a situation. We kissed for awhile before she pulled away.

"_Go faster."_ She whispered into my ear. So I did. I moved on to her neck and began to suck on it. I nibbled on her earlobe, and when I did she let out a loud moan and said, "_Oh god Ryan. Don't stop… yeah just like that."_ Just then I realized I had a full blown boner. I stopped right away. I guess all the dry-humping did that. I crawled off of Alex and she looked at me confused.

"_What's wrong?"_

I looked down at myself and her eyes followed. She smiled and took my hand.

"_It's okay. One day I hope I can give you the real pleasure of sex."_ She said giving me a wink. All of the sudden we heard the same noises coming from Sharpay's room. We both looked at each other, and then back to the wall that separates our rooms.

"_Well, it's getting late. I guess I better go."  
"Yeah, let me walk you out." _I tried to hide my anger about Sharpay having sex. Maybe she was doing the same thing I was. Maybe she was pretending. Just like I did. After I walked Alex out I ran into Shar in the hallway. I glared at her. All she did was smile. Fuck. I knew it. She had sex with him. No way anyone could smile that big after pretending. She tried to talk to me but I pretty much blew her off. I couldn't look at her. Not after what she did. I knew I should have fucked Alex. Why did I let my thoughts of Shar get in the way? Stupid. I'm stupid. That's why.

She just tried to come into my room. Thank God I locked it. I yelled at her to go away. I can't look at her. I can't talk to her. Not now, maybe not ever. This sucks. I hurt. I just want to go to bed.

-Ryan.

* * *

Day 7 1-4-08 10:42 Am

This morning was so awkward with Ryan. He wouldn't even look at me. I tried to talk to him about last night, but he just wouldn't have it. He got up from his breakfast and left. I tried to ask him where he was going; he just said "Be back later." Just like that, he was gone. I just don't get it. He can't be mad at me. He is a total hypocrite if he is mad about last night. You know what. I know one way to find out what exactly he is mad about. I will read his journal, if I can find it. I know it is wrong, but if he won't tell me, then I have no other choice. I will DEFIANATLY be writing more soon.

Sharpay.

Day 7 (cont.) 12:03 PM

Wow. That is all I can say. I found his journal. The things he said about me; they were amazing. He talked so much about me. He mentioned my drinking, and how he has tried to get me to stop. He talked about how he wishes he could protect me like a brother should. How I was the one he thought of when he touched himself. He was finally able to sleep better with me in his arms. He said how much of a mistake he made when he told me no. How confused he was about the whole situation. And the entry I read that hurt the most, was how he didn't have sex with Alex. Something about how he couldn't do it. He thought of me the whole time. He said no one can compare to me. Oh man, I made a big mistake. He said he didn't know if he could ever talk to me again, because of what I did last night. And how much he hurt; how I hurt him. I don't think there is anyway I can make him feel better. I really didn't know he felt that way about me. If only I had known. I wouldn't have had Justin over. I and I sure as hell wouldn't have had sex with him. I wish I knew beforehand how he really felt about me.

I wish I could think of something… anything to do to make he feel better; to make him not hate me. That is the last thing I want; for him to hate me. For him to regret us being together. He still isn't home from when he left this morning. I'm starting to get worried because he isn't answering his phone. I think I will wait for him in his room.

Sharpay.

January 4, 2008 8:58 PM

I came home today, only to find Shar passed out in my bed. I grabbed my journal and went to the living room so I could write. I saw Alex today. I took her out and we had a really good time. We went and saw the new movie " fakhd " Afterwards we went back to her place and hung out for awhile. Okay okay… we did more than hang out. I had sex with her. It was hard at first but after thinking of Sharpay and Justin, it was pretty easy. She wants to be my girlfriend. I told her yes. Now I have to break the news to Shar. Hopefully she will understand. I don't think she likes Alex very much. At least now I'm not having weird thoughts about my own sister. I just wish things could go back to normal. I hate this avoiding each other. It sucks. I want my sister back. The Sharpay I know would never let a guy get her down. So why now? Why me? I think I will wake her up so I can go lay down. It's been a long day.

-Ryan

January 4, 2008 (continued) 11:43 PM

I went back to my room to find Shar still asleep.

"_Sharpay. Wake up." I said shaking her._

"_Huh? What? Ryan what time is it?"_

"_A little after nine. Here let me help you to your bed."_

"_No. I'm not leaving."_

"_Shar. Go to bed. Really, I'm tired."_

"_Not until you talk to me."_

"_Fine. What do you want to talk about?"_

"_I have a lot to say, so you might want to sit down."_

Damnit Sharpay. Why are you doing this now? What could she possibly need to say that required me to sit down?

"_Okay. I'm sitting. Happy now? Now talk."_

"_Ryan… why didn't you tell me that my drinking bothered you?"_

"_It doesn't. You're a big girl. Handle yourself."_

"_Fine. How come you never protect me when you see a guy you don't know take control over me?"_

"_You're a big girl. Handle yourself."_

Fuck. She is getting pissed. I can tell by the way she is glaring at me.

"_Okay. Have you ever masturbated thinking of me?"_

"_No."_

I lied. I know I lied. I can't lead her on though. I have a good reason for saying no.

"_Really? Well how did you sleep… after well you know… we had sex? Were you able to finally sleep? With out waking up in the middle of the night…or tossing and turning until you fell asleep…"_

"_I slept fine. Just like normal."_

How did she know about that? I haven't told anyone.

"_Do you regret telling me no when I came in trying to be sexy for you?"_

"_Nope. Shar when is this twenty questions going to end?"_

How did she know all of this? What the hell is going on?

"_I am almost done. Why did you pretend to have sex with Alex?"_

"_Pretend? Oh my god Shar… you are too much. I __**did**__ have sex with her."_

She read my journal. She had to of. There is no way she knew all of this.

"_Okay. You have lied to me on every question. I would like to know why."_

"_How do you know I am lying?"_

"_Because Ryan. I just do. Why are you lying."_

"_Tell me how you knew."_

"_No."  
"Fine. Don't tell me. But I'm not going to tell you why I am lying until you do."_

"_I read your journal." She whispered._

"_Why? Why would you go through and read it?"_

"_Because. Because you were mad and I didn't know why. I had to know. Ryan… I can't stand you mad at me."_

"_Well fuck Shar; did you like what you read?"_

"_Yes. I did. Why did you lie to me? About everything?"_

"_Because Shar. Because you had sex with him."_

"_I only did it because I thought you did. Trust me I didn't want to, and I can prove it."_

"_Prove all you want. I have a girlfriend. It's Alex."  
"You are going to wind up with some incurable disease if you sleep with her. She is a whore. I can't believe you are that dumb."_

She said with out even looking at me as she left my room. I got up and chased her down the hallway.

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_The party that I went to, and you came and check on my that night… remember that night?  
"Yeah… what about it?"_

"_She had a threesome with two guys that night. That's all. She is a whore."_

"_No she didn't. Why do you hate her so much?"_

"_Yes she did. Ryan OPEN your eyes. Please."_

"_Why do you care so much?"_

"_Because…I want you to be safe. That's all."_

"_You sure?"_

"_No. I'm going to bed. Good night Ryan."_

Fuck. I messed up again. She still wants me. I am going to chase her, this time I will 'make her mine.'

-Ryan

Day 7 (cont.) 9:41 AM

This is bull shit. I can't believe him. Alex is his girlfriend? WHAT THE HELL IS HE THINKING? I swear I want to just kick him. He is knocking on my door now. Good thing I locked it. He can't bother me now. Now is my time. I wish I could just make him understand what he is doing. She is absolutely no good for him. Ahhh I am so angry with him I can't even think straight. I wish I could prove to him how I feel. How I want him. It's too late for that now. He has a girlfriend. This sucks. I am going to bed. GOOD NIGHT!!

Sharpay.

January 4, 2008 (continued) 9:56 Pm

Her door is locked. I will try again later. This time I will make things right with her. No more bull shit. If I can… I will try to read her journal. She read mine so it is only fair.

-Ryan

January 5, 2008 1:25 AM

Okay, so I tried Shar's room again. It was unlocked this time. I snooped in her room, until I found her journal. It didn't take long. It was on her desk, I guess she was righting before she fell asleep. I read it. I liked what I saw. She does feel the same way as I do. I think it is time to wake up her and let her know.

"_Sharpay. Please wake up."_

"_What Ryan?"_

"_We need to talk."_

"_No we don't. Go to bed."_

"_Fine."  
"No Ryan. YOUR OWN BED. Get out of my room. Please this is already hard enough."_

"_I don't care if it's wrong. I want you again. I was just afraid of my feelings towards you. I shouldn't feel this way about you. I don't care anymore, and I know you feel the same way about me."_

"_You are wrong. I don't want you."_

"_Yes you do. I read."_

_"You... You read it? I... I don't know what to say."_

_"Say I can stay in here tonight. Please."_

_"Okay. You can, but lets just take this slow."_

_"Deal." _

I crawled into bed with her, she lifted the sheets up so that I could get under with her. She turned on her left side facing the wall. I got as close as I could behind her, and wrapped my arms around her. She let a low moan out, as she adjusted her body next to mine. It felt nice. She felt nice. This is exactly where I want to be.

_"Hey Ry, I have a question."_

_"Go ahead."  
"What are you going to do about Alex?"_

_"Break up with her of course. But listen Shar... we can't do this forever okay?"_

_"I understand. Good night Ryan."_

_"Good night Sharpay."_

That was it. I am finally happy.

-Ryan

**A/N: Cheesy ending but I ran out of ideas. Sorry it is so long, I wanted to make it a two-shot but I am new to this. I will figure it out.**


End file.
